95% Struggled Alone … Did you struggle alone after a miscarriage or babyloss?
Recently I conducted a survey and of the 150 women who participated only 5% had sought out professional help after babyloss or having a miscarriage – which means 95% had no therapy, counselling or professional help.
This tells me several things:
1) It’s hard to talk about
2) Women don’t want to go there again, because it’s too painful
3) They sweep the pain under the carpet and try to get on with life finding other ways to cope
That leaves a staggering amount of women out there who have no help to try and heal from this trauma. It is a trauma – people have often commented that it’s a strong word to use about losing a baby in pregnancy.
I would argue that it is a trauma – it’s a trauma physically, emotionally, psychologically and energetically.
The moment we know we are carrying a baby, the moment the pregnancy test is positive, we are filled with love, joy and sometimes trepidation as to what the future will bring. Some babies are desperately wanted, some just come along without being planned, and some are not wanted at the time. However, carrying one, connects with the mother on all those levels and when that is taken away the rollercoaster of emotions we experience is life changing.
How do we deal with these emotions? … clearly not openly as the statistic shows.
We try to process them in different ways, some people take to exercising or running them out, some people suffer with depression, because they just don’t know how to express their horrible feelings, others take to emotional eating or not eating, others bury themselves in work, others find some meaning by doing something that is worthwhile, e.g. volunteer work, charitable runs and events.
My view is that we need to work it out, sweeping it under the carpet because it’s too painful to look at isn’t the answer in the long run. I do however think that the right time will present itself to help oneself heal. You’ll be ready to let go of the emotions, to move forward (but never forget because you don’t forget this baby) and a time will come when you’re ready to try again for a rainbow baby.
If you’ve suffered a loss of a baby in Pregnancy and want to join a closed group of women going through the same sadness, please join my group
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