Our Grief Journey is never Linear

We all grieve differently, depending on our upbringing, our culture and our experiences and one size definitely does not fit all.

Some of us like to grieve quietly and privately and some of us like to share our grief with others… we are all different.  I know when I was going through my baby loss, I kept it quiet and private.  There were only a few close friends who knew how it was affecting me.

However, 20 years on, I’ve learnt a thing or two and when my parents both died within 18 months of each other, it felt very different.  They had lived wonderful lives, and it was their time to go….. however no less sad despite this. I miss them both often and grief still raises its head, often unexpectedly.

I processed this grief differently.  I was more open, I shared on social media and I received a lot of comfort doing this.  Many people thanked me for bringing up the subject, as it gave them permission to talk about their grief too…

People in the Public Eye

When people in the public eye speak of their grief, it gives us permission to learn how to be open and how to do it.

Chrissy Teigan, is one such person.  She has so beautifully captured her grief and shared it with the world.  She has been open and vulnerable and in, doing so, has gone through the process quicker than she may have done.  She has also given others permission to talk about their baby loss grief.

Letting it go is important

We can learn from others, we don’t have to keep it hidden.  I’m fascinated with the cultures who freely express grief by wailing and howling and getting it out of their system.  We Brits tend to bottle it up and wait until we are in private to let go.
There is no right or wrong way, just as long as we do it.

If we hold on to our grief and don’t process it, it can come out in other ways such as:

  • outbursts of anger
  • insomnia
  • skin conditions
  • physical aches and pains
  • emotional eating
  • over exercising
  • depression

We hold it in our energy, and it usually plays out in the body.

Release it easily

I love working with clients to help them release these feelings in a safe and contained way where they can easily let go without reliving every detail of the traumatic experience and by honouring their loss.  The Cocoon programme is perfect for that, you may want to read more about it here.

If you find something keeps reoccurring, and bubbling up, please do get in touch and have a chat.  Please don’t suffer in silence.

Baby Loss in older women

Do you know a woman in their 70’s, 80’s or 90’s who has had baby loss?  I would love to ask them about it as I feel older women were never given the chance to grieve their pregnancy losses.  It could be your mother or grandmother.

Please reach out if you know of a family story and do mention it to your Mum.